By Eric Hebert.
1. Set up a blog
The first thing Jesus would have to do is set up that blog. I’d have him get started using WordPress and hacking an open-source theme, tweaking the CSS and adding a custom header with his logo. After setting up the proper categories and options (for instance fixing the permalinks option), we’d have to install several plug-ins to ensure his new site gets indexed properly by the search engines and acts a little more user friendly:
- Making sure his title tags and meta descriptions are being generated properly.
- Avoiding any duplicate content issues with a teaser plug-in.
- Configuring his anti-spam plug-in by signing up for his Akismet key.
- Adding a contact form.
- Displaying his most popular posts in the sidebar (Jesus likes three columns, like the holy trinity).
- A site-map generator, to help those who are lost, or just seeking a little guidance.
Some more things would be required before we’d get going, like blogrolling his disciples, burning his RSS feed to syndicate his blog all over the web, adding a Flickr widget, and maybe a Paypal button so followers can make donations right on the site. After spending some significant amount of time “sunday schooling” the son of God on how to blog effectively, the next step would be getting the word out about his new website.
2. Social Media & Networking
The Lord knows he’s got to tap into communities to spread the good word, and with the power of today’s online communities, he’ll be able to cover much more territory than he could have 2,000 years ago (back in the early AC days). The first and most obvious place to start would have to be MySpace, where’d he’d have to compete with many impersonators. However, in order to really make a connection, he’ll have to apply these tactic to bring the traffic in:
- Adding Digg, Delicious, and Reddit buttons to his site.
- Inviting his Facebook network to all his events (They tend to pay more attention here than on MySpace.)
- Join MyBlogLog and show his face around other blogs (as well as showcasing his own visitors).
- Create a Second Life avatar and preach in the virtual world.
- Make sure he’s Linkedin with the right people.
- Create a Ning network for all his followers.
3. Content Development & Link Baiting
If wants to keep visitors coming back, he’s got to preach a good word. He’d have to spend a good amount of time developing the content for his website, which is a lot more than just writing a short little blog post once a day. To really build up his website as the premier place to hear the good word of the Lord, he’ll have to work with some of these content development ideas:
- Writing good “linkbait” articles providing tips on how to win God’s graces that would gain popularity through those social networks.
- Maybe do interviews with other important religious figures.
- Create online videos of his most famous demonstrations to share on Youtube, Metacafe, and Revver (I’d love to see the one where he walks on water!)
- Give away prizes like sandals and crosses in his monthly “most comments” contest.
- Create polls to see how followers feel about everything (Maybe a socially-generated ten commandments?)
4. Digital Downloads and E-Commerce
Now not everyone has the time to read his blog everyday or attend every sermon he gives. That’s why you’ll be able to download his weekly podcast right onto your Ipod, in addition to purchasing any of his spoken word albums right from iTunes (don’t worry: Christ made a deal with Apple and all his work is DRM free!). JC’s a big fan of music and you can also buy some of the mash-ups he worked on with some of the industry’s best. In addition to selling audio to pay the rent and taxes, Jesus would have to implement some other methods of monetization:
- Running an Amazon aStore to sell different versions of the Old Testament.
- Create a Zazzle store and sell his namesake t-shirts, hats, and stickers.
- Create a “fan club” that charges a monthly fee for premium content and other exclusives.
- Sell his carpentry work through his ebay store.
- Run banner ads for partner churches (he’d try Adsense, but the ads would never be relevant enough for his liking!)
5. Branding and Reputation Management
By now Jesus should be experiencing some decent volumes of traffic to his site. He’s gotten Dugg a few times, and every blogger under the sun has mentioned him at least once, getting him enough links to the site to boost his search engine rankings. He earned enough money to grab the jc.com domain (he originally started with the .net extension and had to re-direct his old URL’s to the new ones), which helps solidify his brand. He’s started a Google AdWords and Yahoo Search Marketing Campaign to make sure he’s found for any related search keywords (even if he already ranks high for them), and stays on top of who’s saying what by subscribing to Google Alerts and using Google News, Google Blog Search, and Technorati to keep tabs on other bloggers. With his online presence solidified, Jesus is now primed for internet super-stardom.