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The Young and the Profitless; Why the Yahoo/Microsoft Saga is Like a Daytime Soap Opera



Daytime soap opera writers need to take a long look at the Yahoo/Microsoft acquisition drama–you can’t make this kind of stuff up! Today, there are two interesting plot twists to keep you on the edge of your seat.

Let’s check in on today’s episode:

Previously on The Young and the Profitless…after telling Brad (Microsoft) that he’s just not her type, Stacey (Yahoo) started hanging out at bars, trying to pick up someone else–and make Brad jealous in the process. Grant (Google) sent a drink across the bar, and offered to wisk Stacey away for a two week fling of sun, sea, sand, and increased revenue from paid clicks.

That got Brad fuming. After yelling at Stacey–telling her that no judge would ever let them marry–he called up his buddy Nick (News Corp) and asked Nick if he’d lend him his Mercedes MySpace–chicks just love a shiny MySpace–and also hit him up for a loan–so he could buy some fancy flowers and take Stacey to a nicer restaurant than Grant.

Meanwhile, while Stacey’s toying with the emotions of both Brad and Grant, she speed-dials Alan (AOL) ‘cos Grant’s not quite enough to satisfy her (financial) needs. Alan’s like, "yeah baby, I’m down for hitching-up, but let’s sign a pre-nup so I have a little (dial-up) business on the side.

So, Brad wants Stacey. Stacey doesn’t want Brad. Stacey uses Grant to make Brad jealous. Stacey’s not sure if she wants to commit to Grant, so she’s keeping Alan open as an option. Oh, and Brad’s getting some dating tips from Nick–but Nick just wants to use Brad to get to Stacey.

[Cut to closing credits]

In case you didn’t follow any of that, here’s the WSJ version:

Yahoo Inc. and Time Warner Inc.’s AOL are closing in on a deal to combine their Internet operations, a move aimed at thwarting Microsoft Corp.’s effort to acquire Yahoo, people familiar with the matter said Wednesday.

But Microsoft is recrafting its assault plan by talking with Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., publisher of The Wall Street Journal, about mounting a joint bid for Yahoo, people familiar with the matter said. Microsoft and News Corp. have yet to reach an agreement on joining forces but one person apprised of the plan described the discussions as serious. Such a deal would combine three of the biggest Internet properties: News Corp.’s MySpace, Microsoft’s MSN and Yahoo.

Personally, I like the soap-opera version better. ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/dewaldp Dewald

    I should have had another coffee before trying to figure out that plot.

    My head hurts. :)

  • http://www.conversion-matters.co.uk Adam Taylor

    lollers awesome post ftw roflcopters etc

    no seriously it was good :)

  • http://www.whatimnot.com Piper

    Wow, that’s the most bizarre web news coverage I’ve seen yet. You’re insane, and I can’t stop giggling here at my desk.

  • http://www.searchengineoptimizationjournal.com Search Engine Optimization Journal

    That is simply priceless! Grant is quite the ladies man eh?

  • http://seologia.com.ar Seología

    Very funny stuff. Weren’t you gonna take the afternoon off today? I can see why you need the time to relax after adapting a hollywood script to SEM! :D

  • http://www.conversationalmediamarketing.com Paul Chaney

    I like it better too. Very funny.

  • http://pacificgatepost.blogspot.com/ PacificGatePost

    … and Yang is confused.

    AOL is not Yahoo’s salvation by any means, and Yahoo isn’t Microsoft’s salvation either ….

    http://pacificgatepost.blogspot.com/2008/04/microsoft-yahoo-and-rest-of-us.html

    Yang should get some new advisors. Then look for some enlightened strategies … even just a little creative… not panic driven.

  • Pingback: Will The Blogosphere Suffer From A Microsoft-Yahoo Merger? : The Blog Herald

  • http://mp3leben.com Tiffany

    Why don’t Brad take Stacey’s decision easily ? Many beuatifull lady out there :)…Anyway, nice story.

  • http://www.newhomessection.com Jayson

    Yeah I think I understand the story more than the real life scenario – they should just get it over with and meet at Grant’s house for a good night!

    Can you imagine AOL? Worse search results provided by Yahoo!

    Just joking Yahoo!.

  • http://www.greatpriceshere.com Nicole

    What a tale spin! Its actually kind of easier to understand the situation after this kind of personification.