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Yahoo: Make Us an Offer (We Won’t Refuse)


the young and the profitlessSuddenly, I feel like I work for Soap Digest. But with the latest don’t-miss developments in The Young and the Profitless, we had to get a jump start on Season Two!

Last time, on The Young and the Profitless:

Despite Stacey’s (YHOO) recent marriage to Grant (GOOG; last season), Brad (MSFT) has decided he’s going to win her back, with or without her consent.

Meanwhile, Grant’s and Stacey’s marriage is really one of convenience to provide financial support for Stacey When faced with Brad’s emotional assault, Stacey turns to Tim (Time Warner) for help—but Brad has been trying to get Tim on his side to help woo Stacey once and for all. Who will win Stacey’s heart and search business?

Well, we may have an answer soon enough. More letters from Icahn, Ballmer and Yahoo today actually make it look like there might be some progress one way or another in the issue.

In chronological order, the letters go as follows:

Carl Icahn to Yahoo stockholders:
Ballmer and I have been talking, and he says that he’d love to buy Yahoo, but wouldn’t dare do it with the current board. After all, it could take serious time to get approval for such a deal worldwide, and the current board has such a crappy track record (and hates MSFT so much) that they could very well run this company into the ground in that time. So vote for me and my new proxy board so we can sell to Microsoft!

Microsoft to Yahoo stockholders (five minutes after Icahn’s letter):
What he said—fire the current board and we’ll get serious in talks about acquiring all of Yahoo or just Yahoo Search.

Yahoo board to Icahn and Microsoft (two and a half hours later; via):
If you’re serious about an acquisition, Microsoft, make us an offer now. Otherwise, we have no reason to think that Icahn’s board’s to-be-determined deal is any better for the stockholders.

And just to make it even more accessible to us all:

But Brad has a ace up his sleeve. He doesn’t need Tim to persuade Stacey—Brad has Stacey’s rich, obnoxious Uncle Carl in his back pocket!

“Stacey, I’m going to your parents, and we’re going to get your power-at-attorney. You’re clearly incompetent when it comes to making life choices,” says Uncle Carl.

“Shut up. All you ever wanted me to do was marry Brad! I don’t care that he’s rich—he’ll try to change me, I just know it! I’ll lose everything that I am!” Stacey turns away. Yes, she hates Grant at the bottom of her heart, and she’d love to do anything to get back at him, but can she make this sacrifice?

Brad rolls his eyes. “Listen to your uncle, Stacey. We know what’s best for you.”

“Oh?” Stacey scoffs. “If you’re so serious about marrying me, let’s leave my parents and the courts out of this. Propose to me right here, right now, on the same terms as your last offer. Because I seem to remember that when I came crawling to you last month, you shot me down.”

Brad looks away, rage and love clearly battling in his heart. “Stacey . . .” he begins.

Tune in next time for more adventures of The Young and the Profitless!

  • http://www.marketingpilgrim.com Andy Beal

    I think you missed your calling. ;-)

  • Jordan McCollum

    Oh, didn’t I tell you? I’m working on a romance novel on the side.

    … Why are you laughing? I’m not joking….

  • http://www.seomoz.org randfish

    Yeah – this is pretty much brilliant as far as analogies go :)

  • http://mp3leben.com Tiffany

    Even the true soap opera have never been so long and endless like this one. They should move to Hollywood :)

  • http://www.greatpriceshere.com Nicole Price

    Can’t but feel smug now that the saga has revived!

    Nicole Price’s last blog post..Top Selling Albums of All Time

  • http://www.jordankasteler.com/utah-seo-pro-blog/ Utah SEO Pro

    anyone can be bought.

    Utah SEO Pro’s last blog post..Interview with SEO: Brian Carter and Search Engine Journal Post

  • http://www.carolinapanthersblog.org Carolina Panthers Blog

    Hilarious post. Why is Yahoo the girl?

    Carolina Panthers Blog’s last blog post..What Role will Brad Hoover Have This Season?

  • http://www.jumbocdinvestments.com CD Interest Rates

    That was very entertaining and quite applicable. I can’t wait to read your novel.

    Yahoo had to be girl. Holding a grudge, playing hard to get, etc. LOL

  • http://articlewonders.com Raj Krishnaswamy

    Absolutely funny. I guess your fan club is growing already. Count me in. And just like the soaps, you may need to have several sequels to the novel, too. I know I will buy them!

  • http://bestyogaworkout.com Beginner Yoga Exercises

    That’s great, I needed a good laugh.

  • http://foolishmumbles.com Top Rated Digital

    This is practically a done deal . . . MS getting a controlling share of Y that is. Not that other big shareholders are getting on Ichan’s side, it’s only a matter of time.

    Top Rated Digital’s last blog post..The Top 10 Digital Cameras Ripped Apart

  • http://www.mbwebdesign.co.uk MB Web Design

    Who needs Bloomberg and their flashy tickers, clearly there’s a market for mergers and acquisitions reported through the medium of Dawsons Creek-esque drama.

  • Jordan McCollum

    Whoa, hey now. Clearly this is an adult’s soap opera!