Yahoo: Make Us an Offer (We Won’t Refuse)
Suddenly, I feel like I work for Soap Digest. But with the latest don’t-miss developments in The Young and the Profitless, we had to get a jump start on Season Two!
Last time, on The Young and the Profitless:
Despite Stacey’s (YHOO) recent marriage to Grant (GOOG; last season), Brad (MSFT) has decided he’s going to win her back, with or without her consent.
Meanwhile, Grant’s and Stacey’s marriage is really one of convenience to provide financial support for Stacey When faced with Brad’s emotional assault, Stacey turns to Tim (Time Warner) for help—but Brad has been trying to get Tim on his side to help woo Stacey once and for all. Who will win Stacey’s heart and search business?
Well, we may have an answer soon enough. More letters from Icahn, Ballmer and Yahoo today actually make it look like there might be some progress one way or another in the issue.
In chronological order, the letters go as follows:
Carl Icahn to Yahoo stockholders:
Ballmer and I have been talking, and he says that he’d love to buy Yahoo, but wouldn’t dare do it with the current board. After all, it could take serious time to get approval for such a deal worldwide, and the current board has such a crappy track record (and hates MSFT so much) that they could very well run this company into the ground in that time. So vote for me and my new proxy board so we can sell to Microsoft!
Microsoft to Yahoo stockholders (five minutes after Icahn’s letter):
What he said—fire the current board and we’ll get serious in talks about acquiring all of Yahoo or just Yahoo Search.
Yahoo board to Icahn and Microsoft (two and a half hours later; via):
If you’re serious about an acquisition, Microsoft, make us an offer now. Otherwise, we have no reason to think that Icahn’s board’s to-be-determined deal is any better for the stockholders.
And just to make it even more accessible to us all:
But Brad has a ace up his sleeve. He doesn’t need Tim to persuade Stacey—Brad has Stacey’s rich, obnoxious Uncle Carl in his back pocket!
“Stacey, I’m going to your parents, and we’re going to get your power-at-attorney. You’re clearly incompetent when it comes to making life choices,” says Uncle Carl.
“Shut up. All you ever wanted me to do was marry Brad! I don’t care that he’s rich—he’ll try to change me, I just know it! I’ll lose everything that I am!” Stacey turns away. Yes, she hates Grant at the bottom of her heart, and she’d love to do anything to get back at him, but can she make this sacrifice?
Brad rolls his eyes. “Listen to your uncle, Stacey. We know what’s best for you.”
“Oh?” Stacey scoffs. “If you’re so serious about marrying me, let’s leave my parents and the courts out of this. Propose to me right here, right now, on the same terms as your last offer. Because I seem to remember that when I came crawling to you last month, you shot me down.”
Brad looks away, rage and love clearly battling in his heart. “Stacey . . .” he begins.
Tune in next time for more adventures of The Young and the Profitless!